Sex can be a
dangerous tool of manipulation.
Do you find yourself
in a situation where someone else is making you feel uncomfortable in terms of
their sexual ideas or intent?
Are you starting to feel scared or worthless in the company of this person?
If this sounds familiar, you may be falling victim to sexual emotional
manipulation.
Sex and emotional manipulation is always an unhealthy and possibly dangerous
situation. The fact is that emotional manipulation can hold a person
psychologically captive. What makes this kind of manipulation even more
dangerous is that the person being manipulated might not even be aware that
they’re being manipulated.
When another person
or partner starts playing manipulative sexual games with you, it should be a
red flag and a warning sign that the relationship or the sexual intent of the
person may be warped and dysfunctional.
A skilled emotional
manipulator will try to gain your trust, and will then slowly make sure they break
down your self-worth and self-esteem until you start feeling worthless. You may
start doubting yourself and your decisions.
In a sexual
relationship, this creates a severe power imbalance. If you’re in a situation
like this, you’re most likely slowly entering into an abusive sexual
relationship.
Are you being manipulated?
Initially, it might be difficult to determine whether you’re in a relationship
where you’re being emotionally manipulated with sex.
Look for the
following red flags:
- The person often lies about their
sexual expectations or changes their expectations to something that might
seem unfair or unrealistic to you.
- The person often spins the facts
regarding your sex life to change your perspective. In this way, he or she
can covertly or overtly intimidate you. For example, the person may use
the following phrase: “If you don’t have sex with me tonight, I’ll leave
you or I’ll have sex with someone sexier.” This kind of person is a master
in “guilt tripping”, and will make sure you feel bad about yourself if you
don’t meet their sexual needs.
- The person projects blame and
plays the victim. He or she rarely takes responsibility for their
inappropriate behaviour and choices.
Beware of the sexual
psychopath
Prof Robert Hare, in his book, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the
Psychopaths Among us (1993), describes an extreme form of sex and emotional
manipulation when he refers to the concept of the sexual psychopath.
Hare points out that rape is a good example of the callous, selfish use of
violence by psychopaths and proposes that half of serial rapists may be
psychopaths.
Their behaviour, he writes, often results from a potent combination of:
- Uninhibited expression of their
sexual desires and fantasies
- A desire for power and control
- Perception of the victims as
objects of pleasure and satisfaction
This idea of control
is very important: when a person is involved in a sexual relationship, you
could say they’re revealing themselves; they’re giving the most intimate aspect
of themselves. Many psychopaths realise this and make use of it in a
manipulative way.
Sexual psychopaths want complete control over another individual and are
masters in manipulation. Sexual submission through their manipulation tactics
and emotional abuse is often the final step in the objectification of the
victim.
These dangerous individuals use the tools and techniques of mind control to
influence others. A sexual relationship in this situation means that there’s
neither informed consent on the part of the victim, nor a relationship of
equals, because the power is with the deceiver. This makes it a situation of
sexual abuse.
A psychopath will often create an intimate relationship which, in turn, leads
to a sexual relationship. The psychological abuse makes the sexual abuse
possible, and the sexual abuse amplifies the effects of the psychological
abuse.
Sexual psychopaths who have learned how to use sex to control and manipulate
are particularly destructive.
Typically, the psychopath’s victim first doesn't want to talk about it. Without
understanding what happened, the victim may blame him or herself; they may
think that they deserved the abuse; or be so full of shame at what happened to
them in the hands of the sexual psychopath that it seems easier to try and forget
the whole thing.
A dangerous game
Sex and emotional manipulation can become a rather destructive and dangerous
game.
If, in any relationship, you become aware of these dynamics, it’s important to
seek help immediately and to talk to someone who can help you to either get out
of the relationship or to assess why this dynamic is taking place. Getting
professional assistance and advice is incredibly important.
eniobanke
.jpg)
